.......oopsie.......

I've been debating about weither to say anything about this anywhere, and Serena and Sabrina both already know so this is mostly just an entry for my own brain.  Garvin and I finally managed to have some "adult" time and there was a bit of a contraceptive mishap, resulting in the very slight but statistically significant chance that a conception may have occurred (or be in process of occuring).  Given that I'm having the little twingies that I used to associate with ovulating when I didn't have an IUD in and wasn't on the pill, I'm slightly unnerved.  I've not had an actual menstral cycle since the one before Liam was concieved (which is probably a combination of the breastfeeding and the IUD), there's no way of knowing if I am/was mid-cycle or anything like that (and not that it seemed to matter with Liam's conception because I was technically a WEEK past mid-cycle by the time he was concieved - and given events around his conception, such as my recovering from two herniated lumbar discs, we KNOW conception didn't happen earlier.  Apparently I have the ability to ovulate on cue... only makes sense that my ovaries wouldn't have any more concept of linear time than the rest of my body does).

So, next month some time I need to remember to take a pregnancy test.  With Liam, I *knew* I was pregnant before I missed a period.  Garvin and I have already discussed the "what ifs" regarding this, if I did manage to concieve against all these barriers (we WERE using two methods!), the IUD comes out ASAP and if that doesn't trigger a miscarriage (which is a risk), then we welcome a new addition to the family right around Liam's second birthday instead of third as planned, and we make sure every daughter we ever have knows EXACTLY how fertile we are so that they can take that into concideration when they become sexually active.  If a conception happened but having the IUD taken out causes a miscarriage, then it stays out and we be extra careful with the condomage until this time next year.  If no conception happened, we thank our lucky stars and try not to feel disappointed ;)

The question becomes, how many negative pregnancy tests will it take me to be convinced THIS time, since it wasn't until the 4th test and 10 days past missed period that Liam was confirmed?  This has the potential to be greatly annoying.

On another note, notice that I've added a subscribe to this blog link in the right hand section of this page.  I'm trying to convince Garvin to do the same on his blog.  Sabrina, I'd love to see one of these on your blog ;)  Great for folks who WANT to keep up with others but forget/neglect checking pages who have a history of not updating daily *whistles nonchalantly*

So THAT'S where you plug in the laptop while camping...

Just couldn't resist sharing this... cracks me up. I'm one of those "campers" whose first question is "where do I plug in my laptop" (followed closely, in this heat, with "and how do you run the AC?"). Very cool, in such a geeky way.

(note: this is one of the few times that the title of my post is a link... just went to view the post and realised it made no sense!)

Attachment Parenting Sanity Check

OK... I know not many people read this thing, and the one person I know does read it regularly doesn't yet have a kiddo of her own, but I think she's got enough experience with AP-style parents to be a reliable check-in on this.

So anyway, I've found out about a Harry Potter "organization" that is Ohio-specific.  I'm very interested, being a complete and total Potterhead and loving to discuss all things in the Potterverse for hours at a stretch.  Here's the catch.  They're exclusively 18 and up, as in not even allowed to bring a nursling (and yes, Liam's still nursing every few hours, even tho he'll eat any solid food that stays in his reach long enough - he'll eat a stomach full of solid foods, then want mama for desert, so he's still nursing at least 6 times a day, from my estimates of actual nursings, not just quick sips.  Oh, and yes, he'll drink water or any other liquid too, but that doesn't make him want to nurse less either.  I'm not exactly trying to push him away from the breast tho, it doesn't bother me one whit that he wants to keep nursing so much, though it does make it difficult to be out and about with him as my back can't tollerate nursing him in a sling anymore, I only use carriers that go over both shoulders now).  To put a cherry on top of their "absolutely no one under 18" stance, none of their gatherings scheduled through the rest of the year are any closer than Columbus (which is 2 hours' drive away, meaning a minimum of 4 hours spent away from Liam just *driving* to and from the event, in addition to spending enough time at the event to make a drive that long feel "worth it"). 

When I've tried to inquire about how hard-set this policy is, I've been informed by the moderators that it's pretty much a hard-and-fast rule (while I've also noticed that more than 80% of the moderators are too young to remember the Smurfs) and the reaction of other parents on the forum has been of the lines of "I need a place where I can get away from my kid(s)" and implying a feeling that something is "wrong" with me that I don't feel this need to be away from my child.  I have no knowledge regarding the nursing status of the other small children in the families involved, much less their parenting style (tho I have specified that we practice attachment parenting).  Especially with Garvin working such long hours, I have ZERO desire for any social time that does not include him, and he doesn't have a desire to have social time that doesn't involve Liam since he's already missed so much time with him thanks to not having an assistant manager and getting sucked into working 50-60 hour weeks just to keep the grouphome running.  And, add to that that we're planning to try to concieve kid #2 around this time next year, which means small bladder while pregnant making long trips annoying, not being a good idea to travel that far in later pregnancy, and then dealing with a newborn exclusively nursing (and the next one I think I'm just going to not bother with ANY bottles at ALL unless one of us winds up hospitalized or something... just really wasn't worth the bother with Liam and it just seemed to annoy him anyway...  I give people the analogy of having a wonderful lasagna - would you rather eat it off of fine china plates, sitting at a table surrounded by the people you love best.... or standing up off of a flimsy paper plate from the dollar store?  That seems to be about the degree of comparision my son would make between breastmilk from the source or from ANY other container.)... I'm feeling a fairly strong urge to just be a bit pissy and go off and create a group that trusts parents to know their children's interests, attention spans, and ability to annoy the crap out of other people well enough to determine if they should come to a Harry Potter discussion group, and that trusts that anyone READING a BOOK MARKETED TO CHILDREN doesn't hate being AROUND children!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

sorry for all the caps... feeling a bit annoyed about this.

So, the question is... am I nuts that I don't feel the need to be away from my almost 15 month old son for more than a couple hours at a stretch?  Am I being overly and unhealthily attached that the idea of being away from him for more than the length of a movie is a bit... disturbing for lack of a better word?  I've left him with Garvin or my mother or another friend for various periods of time to go run errands and such, indeed I was away from him for almost 3 hours tonight for a worship associate meeting at church (Garvin watched him).  I made sure my cell phone was charged and in my pocket, but I didn't even call to tell him I was on my way home (even tho last night Liam went into a screaming fit after a diaper change and refused to be calmed by Daddy, calming to hiccupping sobs as soon as I took him in my arms).  It's not a matter of distrust in others to take care of the kid (tho I am nervous about him at my mom's for extended periods because he's such a climber and gets into EVERYTHING and her place is FAR from even the basics of babyproofing), as long as there isn't another kid around for him to bite (yes, he's still a little vampire, tho he's learned not to bite adults as much... I'm reluctant to have him around other people's kids as he's gone to bite every time except once recently).  It's really a matter of just not feeling *right* when I'm away from him for more than a few hours.  The longest we've been apart since he was born was for about 5 hours, a couple months ago, when he was in the care of Garvin while I went to a worship associate training thing and there was a communications breakdown with Garvin running errands and not realizing that I was home in some discomfort from mild engorgement.  That definately felt like "too long" then, and I think it still would now. I'm getting to the point where I wouldn't mind a "date" with my husband, without the kid, but it's definately not a need to be away from Liam so much as a desire to focus on us for a bit.  Tho what we'd actually do with ourselves, I'm not sure right now (don't really want to be spending money on frivalities, I'm not physically up to just going to the park or something else "free").

So, am I weird even by AP standards?  Or is my impression that this is a cultural construct of our society, creating artificial and unhealthy distance between family members by emphasis on our "needs" to be "apart" a sane thought to have?