On my 7th World Breastfeeding Week as a lactivist

I type this with my 14mo asleep across my lap, nuzzled up to my breast while his father snuggles the older two into unconsciousness. I'm exhausted but felt the need to post something, this may be rambling nonsense so preemptive apologies if it gets too tangenty.

It's been a wild seven years since my first, first week of August(aka World Breastfeeding Week) as a breastfeeding mother in 2004. Back then, my state didn't recognize the legal right of my baby to eat wherever he was when he happened to be hungry and I could have been asked to leave a store for feeding him. Now, I still might get hassled for it but at least there's a law in place (thanks in very small part to Liam and I going down to our state capital to testify for the legislation). Teeth to it would be nice sometimes.

We just got back from an exhausting trip to NYC (whose state law does, incidentally, have "teeth" - there's at least a stated fine for harassing people for breastfeeding) where we stayed with my bro-in-law, visited with my mom-in-law's friends (NOT my idea of a great time after driving 500 miles in 11 hours with 3 young children, to have to then drive MORE to sit around a table for more than an hour while people socialized in a language I can't understand... but... whatever. I got to see the Harry Potter exhibition with my kids before it leaves the continent so I can't complain TOO much, right?). The baby H.A.T.E.S. his carseat, and is only somewhat mullified by playing music (when I want to be listening to audiobooks, of course). I had just got a new cell phone (my first Android, because my 2.5yr old Blackberry was dying), and had a new stereo installed in the van so I could do hands-free calling, and wound up streaming music from my phone through the stereo via bluetooth since it was easier to switch back to the audiobook if Little Bear allowed me to. Luckily my kids don't insist on listening to "kids music" (Liam's favorite song is by Dave Stewart from the Eurythmics, Del's current favorite song is by Alanis Morrissette, and Col tends to want Take to the Sky by Tori Amos, which is a b-side from Little Earthquakes and my "theme song"). I wasn't even sure what was ON my cell phone's memory card, I'd just copied everything over from the Blackberry since I used some of them as ringtones. Turned out to have some stuff that made me sentimental, and brought out a little of the militant lactivist/DragonMama in me, possibly to the chagrin of some of the other people in the restaurants we dined in bwahahahaha (no you obnoxious Jersey Shore types, I'm NOT interested in your parenting advice as your inappropriately dressed teens act like total cretins in public, thankyouverymuch).

The music pulls me back to my younger, more-steamroller-than-diplomat days (err... yes... I *have* gotten better about it, believe it or not). I find that I've needed to find a balance point between the assertive no-I'm-going-to-do-what's-right-up-yours-if-you're-gonna-try-to-oppress-me attitude (tho yeah, that still comes out... pretty much daily, to be honest) and the let's-see-if-we-can-find-a-win-win-compromise-that-doesn't-make-me-want-to-vomit-from-compromising-my-integrity end that I fear I may have to cultivate if I ever want to be a college professor. Motherhood has really helped me learn to SEEK that balance point more, even if I still tip to the former quite often.

I had Tori's From the Choirgirl Hotel album playing today while running errands. The album was written after the musician had a miscarriage. I don't think I've listened to it beginning-to-end since becoming a mother myself. I almost started crying during Playboy Mommy. It hit me hard when I first heard it, years before Liam was conceived, but now it reminds me of how very blessed I am to have had uneventful pregnancies and healthy children (especially since we had a friend's 4 year old daughter in the van with us - the friend is newly pregnant again currently, had miscarried a very wanted child shortly before I conceived Col then got pregnant again, the new baby will be less than 2 years younger than that baby). It made me think of the bonds motherhood has formed between me and other women, both child-bearers and not, and how much it has made my maternal line mean to me.

This has also been on my mind today because my mother forwarded to me an article written about my grand-uncle (maternal grandmother's brother, my grandmother is the only one of her siblings to ever marry, her siblings were like additional grandparents to me), which deeply touched me that my uncle's work has survived to be appreciated more than two decades after his death. I wonder what kind of ripples my own life's work will have. If long after I'm gone someone has such kind words to say about me that my descendants can come across, that will tell them that my life was well-lived. I wish I knew more about Uncle Norvin, I hope that my descendants will know more about me (and that I'll live long enough to know more about them... he was only in his mid-60s when he died, I was in kindergarten).

The milk of human kindness flows in many ways, but our babies deserve it first from their mother's breasts. How, in this scary economy, can we make that possible for more women? I am blessed to have had the privilege to breastfeed my children full-term (biologically - other mammals do not wean their young before they have enough teeth to eat a full adult diet... ponder that the next time you hear someone say "that baby is too old to be breastfed". If they're still young enough to have jars of baby food marketed to them, they're still young enough to be fed the way they were born expecting to be nourished). How can we be more kind in a meaningful manner, with mothers who have so many barriers to the way they might want to live? How can we make it possible for the cashier at the grocery store (who mentioned that she is hoping to have another child while commenting on the coolness of the baby carrier - a traditional Chinese style one - we had with us) to breastfeed her own for as long as she might like to, without making her feel like we have no understanding of the complexities of her life that just BEGIN with the chaos of her work schedule? Meaningful, PAID parental leave when a child is born would be part of it, but making breastfeeding mothers feel welcome and accepted in public places instead of abiding the mentality of the few that breastfeeding should only be done at home, behind closed doors - that'd be a start, I think. We've got such a long way to go. I hope that we get there before I'm a memory like my uncle.

Facebook says this is offensive

I think it is a demonstration of utilitarian artistry.

The chain mail was made by a friend of mine at my request, and apparently my 6 week old having a meal during a wedding is offensive. (baby Col's ubercool newborn chain mail vest was made by the same couple, as far as I know they're not taking orders being busy with their OWN wedding planning)

Methinks someone is just jealous that they're not cool enough to have a chain mail nursing bra & newborn layette, or the guts to wear AND use one. Wanker.






I'm also pretty sure I know who the WOMAN who reported the image is. A breeder who spends more time complaining than being a role model worthy of the title "mother", who told me to go fuck myself for standing up for a friend of mine when she went off on her.

Guess what?

Don't fuck with the lactivist in the chain mail nursing bra.

Or her friends.



Or Doctor Who fangirls.

Hospital Gifts

Let's say that, to entice women to give birth at a specific hospital, the hospital started giving away really nice baby sleeping device to every family that birthed there. While the mom and baby were at the hospital, the baby would become accustomed to the sleeping aid, which would serve to sooth the newborn to sleep quickly and keep them asleep longer. Some were concerned that there could be potential negative side effects - such as newborns not gaining weight appropriately due to not waking often enough to feed - but the manufacturer, hospital, and society in general assured the new mothers that the device was a godsend and would help them get that thing they were constantly being told they'd long for in the coming months: a decent night's sleep.

There's one drawback to this "free" sleep device, though. It only comes with a starter battery that will last for less than a week after discharge, then the replacement batteries cost about $150 per month. And the babies have been trained to really want the device in order to go to sleep by the time it leaves the hospital, so much so that it will reject (with very loud screams) any other method used to try to get them to sleep.

Mothers are pressured - subtlety and not-so-subtlety - to use the device, in some cases being called names if they chose other methods to get their newborns to sleep and willingly "suffer" through the many night-wakings. More hospitals start feeling market pressured to provide this wonderful "free" gift to new families and institute them, until almost every baby born in the country spends their first few unconscious spans of post-birth life in one of the sleep devices.

A few hospitals start to rebel against this trend, instead teaching new parents how to sooth their newborns to sleep in their own arms, only to be criticized for not giving a nice "free" gift to new mothers who live in poverty.

Think this sounds surreal? Guess what... it's what we've been doing as a country for decades, only with infant formula/breastmilk instead of sleep device/mother's arms. And yes, people raise a rukus when hospitals stop giving away the "free" formula samples to new families, even though "free" breastfeeding education, training, and support would save the families more than a THOUSAND DOLLARS in just the first year of the child's life on groceries alone. But we tax-payers get to pay for a lot of that formula instead. Where's the ruckus to do what's right for babies and poor families from the start? Some WIC agencies will provide a breastpump for new moms if they ask for one, but from what I've heard it's a LOT easier to get the "free" formula than the breastpump, and many times the pumps given are inadequate and inefficient (which results in the moms falling back to using formula instead out of frustration).

Can this situation be changed? Only if more of us demand better for American families and stand up to support them instead of looking the other way - or worse, harrassing the new moms who DO try to breastfeed when that happens to be in the presence of others.

Do your part, for us.

Handicap-accessible bathroom stalls

So my twittering/Facebooking about my annoyance with an OBVIOUSLY able-bodied tween using the only handicap-accessible bathroom stall out of 7 stalls (5 of which were empty) at Cedar Point has a fellow UU accusing me of being closed-minded because maybe the young lady (who, I must first inform you, SKIPPED out of the stall past me without so much as an "oops, sorry!" as she headed back out toward the middle of CEDAR POINT - where a disabled person would have needed some assistance - cane, wheelchair, scooter, something - to get to from either entrance) had an "invisible disability" that lead to her needing the hand rails, thus excusing her making an actually, obviously disabled person wait to use the ONE toilet that was safely usable. The fact that the person having this discussion with me is able-bodied enough to vend at various events and is calling me out on behalf of her "disabled friends" and because she took some "Right Relations" seminars at our denomination's annual conference is irritating me a bit (I've been in chronic, daily pain since I was 10 years old - 2/3rds of my life - and have actually done advocacy work with various disabled populations since I was a child, up to and including this week when I've been interfacing with my local school district on behalf of another disabled mother and her child, who lived with us for a week earlier this month).

So, I've decided that I will make a little list of who it doesn't irritate me, personally, as a disabled person, to see coming out of a handicap-accessible stall when I've had to wait with my legs crossed to keep from making a mess on the floor when there are other stalls available for people who don't need the rails.

• Other disabled people who use some kind of assistance to move (cane, wheelchair, etc)
• People with small child(ren) in the stall with them (I totally understand not wanting/being able to squeeze into the regular stalls)
• People changing a baby's diaper (tho it annoys me greatly when the establishment puts the diaper changing station inside the accesible stall, it's obvious that sometimes they don't have any other place to put it safely because of traffic flow)
• People who are in pain (as someone who regularly tries to hide the amount of physical pain I'm in, I can tell when someone has a sore back and needs to use the rails even if they're only temporarily disabled and don't need a walking assistance tool)
• Pregnant women (the body dynamics of pregnancy make it hard for many women to stand up without something to leaver on)
• Obese people who can't get the door of a regular inward-opening stall closed around themselves
• Able-bodied people who take the accessible stall because all the regular stalls are already in use

Those are the ones that come immediately to my mind, there are probably others. Now for the list of people who get the hairy stink eye when I see them coming out of a handicap-accessible stall:

• unattended kids who skip/run out of the stall without so much as an "oops, I probably shouldn't have used that one" when they see a disabled person waiting
• teenage girls in groups who go into the handicap-accessible stall for more than just a pee
• mothers who let themselves be bullied by society into breastfeeding in the stall (I swear I'm filing an ADA complaint against a store if I ever get delayed using the toilet because of this - just hasn't happened yet tho I hear from plenty of women who are told that's where they should nurse their baby if the need arises in a public place, and I did have my local YMCA tell me last winter that I should have gone to the family changing room/bathroom to feed D after someone complained about me nursing him in the WOMEN'S locker room)
• women in heels so high there's no way they'd be able to walk if they actually had knee/hip problems

Those are pretty much the only ones that I actually give stinky-eye to (well, I wouldn't give stink-eye to the nursing mom, I'd give her some contacts for learning her and her baby's rights and offer to help her become more comfortable nursing in public - tip #1 try nursing in front of a mirror to see how little is actually visible, even without a blanket/cape/whatever.). Having been "invisibly disabled" for over a decade before I started needing a cane (and still getting comments from people occasionally when I park in a handicap-accessible parking space because apparently even when I'm dressed in a grubby t-shirt and sweatpants, the cane looks like a fashion accessory) I'm actually pretty likely to assume that the other person has an actual need for the stall's handrails or width. However, there have been several times (including last week at MSASS orientation) where the person coming out of the accessible stall to see me waiting there has actually apologized for their thoughtlessness in using that stall when regular ones were available. Some people really do just use them because they have a preference for them, not a need for them, tho I don't really get that (maybe it's the shiney of the metal hand rails?), without even thinking for a second that other people have a greater need for that stall than they do (at least, until visibly confronted with the evidence of their thoughtlessness). Thoughtlessness and lack of courtesy is pretty epidemic in our society at times, and this isn't exactly an issue people talk about, even when they're discussing manners and courtesy. This is also evidenced by how many times I've been (or seen some else obviously disabled - cane, walker, wheelchair, etc) in a women's restroom line and how rarely the person(s) in front of the disabled person will let the disabled person "skip" in line if the handicap-accessible stall comes available. At least 80% of the time (yes, this is something I'd actually like to quanifiably research), the safe-to-assume-able-bodied person walks right into the handicap-accessible stall and the handicapped person has to let people skip in front of THEM as the regular stalls come available while they wait for the able-bodied person to be done in the ONE stall the handicapped person can use. This isn't because there are so many "invisible disabilities" out there, the numbers just don't work out for how often this kind of thing happens. This is a factor of the me-first, oblivious to the actual needs of strangers around us, mentality of our culture (which, in addition to various other places, I've also encountered as a breastfeeding advocate - the "wants" of non-breastfeeders to not have to see "that" in public are assumed to be more important than the NEED of a baby to eat when it's hungry. The emotional discomfort/squeemishness of an adult who could walk away or look somewhere else are often given higher priority than the physical discomfort and basic need of a baby unable to help themselves). Personally, I refuse to excuse and enable thoughtlessness and discourtesy in our society by not offering any rebuke when someone crosses the line like this. And give me a break, it's just the freakin' stink eye! I don't even say anything to the "offending" party, and for all I know they're mildly Autistic and don't recognize the facial expression anyway (to be clear: mild autism is not generally a disability that requires the accessible stall - I know enough people with mild autism to know that as many cases as otherwise able people, they can use a stall without the rails... moderate/severe autism is of course another story). I'm not verbally confronting people as they come out of toilet stalls, I do have better things to do with my time (usually, at that moment, it's taking a pee).

What I'd really love to see is a world where ALL public restroom stalls have hand rails for people who need them. A lot of people who need the accessible stall would be able to use the other stalls with just that one little addition, the extra space isn't actually needed in many cases. My church has gone partway there - there are two stalls with rails in the women's bathroom, one that is large enough to easily maneuver a wheelchair/scooter and one that's standard stall size, and the changing table is not in a stall, plus there are two other family restrooms. Not sure how the accessibility is in the men's room but I know they've got a diaper changing station in there and I'm pretty sure it's not in a stall either.

Until then, it'd be nice if people would reserve the accessible stalls for people (such as those in my first list above) who actually need them.

Poorly targeted Gmail marketing

Damn this pissed me off, you'll probably have to click the image to view it full-screen to see exactly why:
In case you still can't read it even on the larger view, the adbar (upper arrow) has an advertisment for HOOTER HIDERS... the email list I was marking messages as read in is a BREASTFEEDING ACTIVIST ORGANIZATION (of which I'm a founding member - this is a large part of what's been distracting me from blogging and most other online activities for the last 2 months - I've been working behind the scenes on FirstRight.org and designing the website... plus we had a serious hard drive crash that I'm still not completely ready to talk about - emotionally - quite yet).

ARG! *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* I really like Google generally *sigh*

Wonder if we can get sponsorship to get advertising for ourselves in Google (especially that specific location) when the word lactivist appears in emails... hmmm.

WOOHOO! Med. exam mom won her appeal!

Congrats to Sophie Currier on winning her appeal (title is a link to the yahoo news story)! I'm so glad the appeals court judge gets it - accommodation to one issue (dyslexia/ADHD) doesn't preclude the need for accommodation for another (breastfeeding)... and shame on the medical examining board for discriminating against her in the first place, they should have gotten it without the need for a lawsuit. Hell, her pre-existing learning disabilities make her need for the extra break time INCREASE, not decrease - "oh, other breastfeeding mothers have taken the exam without needing extra break time" - yeah, but were they ALSO dyslexic and suffering from ADHD and needing extra testing time for those issues? If they're fast test-takers anyway, they probably made it through the test sections fast enough to go pump/pee/eat/whatever without NEEDING to ask for accommodations.

What if it'd been someone with dyslexia, ADHD, and fecal incontinence issues? Would the extra break time so they could change their undergarments on a regular basis have been questioned?

Go Sophie! Can't wait to see what advances in pathology you bring to the world, I have faith that you're going to go on to great work.

Apparently lawyers don't like to be made to look foolish

I was looking online for information about the case of Sophie Currier, who is suing the National Board of Medical Examiners for not giving her sufficient breaks to pump for her four month old baby during the 9 hour long test and stumbled upon a lawyer's blog shooting off his mouth on the subject. I tried replying to his rant and he basically just got insulting pretty quick, accusing me of ranting (as anyone who reads this blog regularly knows I am, in fact, quite proficient at - but I was not doing in this case... I was debating him point-by-point in a somewhat verbose manner, which shouldn't be so unusual to a lawyer.

The link to his blog entry is: http://hacklawyer.net/?p=426#comment-3676

In case he's the type to delete the entry, I'm reposting it here with my reply and his rebuttal, and including my reply that he declined to publish and the two email exchange we've had over that. I don't well tolerate this kind of idiocy from someone in a position of authority ;) So I'm taking my first amendment free speech rights as seriously as he's taken his.

It’s as simple as . . . what?

Sophie Currier holds a doctorate in neuroscience from Harvard University. Not only that, she has completed her studies at Harvard to acquire a medical degree. She is poised to acquire a prestigious residency at Massachusetts General Hospital but cannot accept it until she passes her medical exam.

When she took it the first time, she petitioned the National Board of Medical Examiners for “accomodations” (read: more time to take the exam) because of her dyslexia and attention deficit disorder. She was granted this consideration, allowing her to take the nine-hour test, which allows for breaks of 45 minutes) over two days instead of one. Even so, she failed. She blamed this on her pregnancy which she says put extra pressure on her. She’s now poised to take it a second time and she wants an additional 60-minute break on each day. She says she needs this time to pump breast milk for her 4-month old daughter.

Ms. Currier petitioned the Board for this additional break time, arguing that she needed the extra time to pump milk to avoid breast engorgement and mastitis, an infection stemming from blocked milk ducts. The Board turned her request down, explaining that it could only accomodate conditions covered by the Americans With Diabilities Act. The test is scheduled for Saturday, September 15.

This past Thursday, Ms. Currier filed suit in a Massachusetts Superior Court, requesting that the trial court order the Board to grant her this extra time, plus a private room with a power outlet so she can express her milk in private with an electric pump. She also enlisted the help of Dr. Alison Stuebe, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a member of the Acadamy of Breastfeeding Medicine (I had no idea). Dr. Stuebe wrote to the court that “forty-five minutes is insufficient time for a nursing mother of a 4-month old to eat, drink, use the restroom and to fully and properly express breast milk using an electric pump two times over the course of eight hours. If Ms. Currier is forced to delay taking the exam, it will cause her significant hardship by delaying her ability to earn a living and to begin repaying school loans, and possibly leading to the loss of clinical knowledge and skills.”

The case, scheduled to be argued on Wenesday, September 12th, is considered to be a harbinger of things to come because more and more women are studying medicine than ever before. Three exams must be completed before applicants can become doctors. Thus, these rigid requirements are running headfirst into the biological demands of these many female test takers. But think about the precedents set if the Board accedes to Ms. Currier’s additional requests. Who’s to say that the Board must then make accomodations for any applicant who can document a particular medical condition which might require additional time and effort to attend to? How about the man (or woman) with irritable bowel syndrome? What about the person who can document persistent migraine headaches? These unfortunate folks never really know when these things are going to hit. What if I could document a history of chronic depression and the need for additional time to handle complicated tasks given the debilitating effects of depression.

How about if Ms. Currier just takes the time to attend to her four-month old daughter like any other responsible mother would, wean the child off breast milk and then take the test, complete with your “accomodations?” For an individual who obviously has spent her entire adult life in school, a few more months devoted to raising her infant child is not going to ruin her future nor can it seriously be argued that the hiatus will threaten the loss of her intellectual mastery of all this knowledge.

But what’s most troubling about Ms. Currier’s litigation is the suggestion that the Board’s refusal to accomodate her “condition” is some sort of persecution of a protected minority class. And the truth is this: complaints by the traditionally disabled - the deaf, the blind, the paraplegic - have accounted for only a tiny share of these kind of ”accomodation requests.” The overwhelming majority of them comprise those who claim such dubious disabilities as ADD, visual and oral processing diabilities, dysgraphia (really bad handwriting), ”phonological processing,” dyscalculia (math disability). I could go on but I assure you I’m not making this up. So as the ranks of the learning-disabled swell, so too the number of boutique diagnoses. And now this.

Ms. Currier explains that “this is as simple as ducking into the bathroom to pump milk.” If that’s the case, why the need to file a lawsuit?

1. Ahmie Says:
   September 11th, 2007 at 12:12 pm

   Here’s the relevant section of the ADA here:
   Sec. 12189. Examinations and courses
   Any person that offers examinations or courses related to applications, licensing, certification, or credentialing for secondary or postsecondary education, professional, or trade purposes shall offer such examinations or courses in a place and manner accessible to persons with disabilities or offer alternative accessible arrangements for such individuals.

   The ADA does NOT stipulate what disabilities are covered and what are not. This woman has just finished medical school through a pregnancy, where I’m sure that everyone she came in contact with told her how important it is to give her baby ONLY BREASTMILK for at least the first six months (logically, the time limit is when the baby has teeth to eat solid foods, not an arbitrary calendar date based upon the average age babies have two bottom and two top teeth - individual variation should be taken into account). Denying her request for time to pump and keep up the caloric intake required to sustain breastfeeding, as well as deal with the output issues from the increased caloric and fluid intake required to sustain breastfeeding, is discrimination and impacts not just her but her young child who is dependent on her ability to lactate for nutrition.

   I am myself both disabled (mobility issues due to hypermobility, joint problems) and entitled to extended test time to allow me to move around so my joints don’t lock up from extended sitting when I took the GRE. THe same issue has resulted in my not being able to sit for jury duty (I wanted to, actually), and I do have a permanent handicapped parking license plate. I am also a breastfeeding mother, nursing my second child (11 weeks old tomorrow) as I type this. Pumping takes varying amounts of time depending on the mother, the pump, stress levels, etc and is rather unpredictable. She could well require 45 minutes to achieve full emptying of her breasts, especially if she is stressed, hungry and dehydrated.

   As to your supposition that taking time off to care for her child won’t have repercussions on her career - oh really? Do you speak from personal experience? Considering how horribly undervalued mothers are in the United States in general, your claim is invalid at its face. Women who are mothers are the reason that the wage gap between men and women is still so drastic - non-mothers actually earn very close to what men earn. It’s the gaps in our employment that legitimize the discrimination in pay we receive. She has a prestigious residency waiting only for her to pass this test and is prepared to take on that demanding work while also doing the demanding work of mothering an infant. Only this test and the barriers it puts to her HEALTH stand in the way. If she were to develop mastitis from the lack of accomodation in taking the test, or if she wound up having to suppliment with formula due to not having enough milk/supply issues from not being accomodated (and yes, one or two days CAN make that big of a difference - I’ve had supply issues for a few days from taking a single dose of Sudafed with my first, add on that she’d be starting her residency soon after and her risk of ongoing supply issues once started is exponential).

   The way you state your arguments, you really sound like one of those “women should be home, barefoot and pregnant” types. Society has progressed several decades beyond that and women will not accept going back. The only issue that I have with her claim is that it’s not JUST her rights that are being violated, it’s both her AND her child’s rights that are being disregarded.

   Please do a little research on aspects of breastmilk and production before you rant about a topic you clearly have no experience dealing with. A good place to start is llli.org - the website for La Leche League International. There you can also find the text of the laws in this regard. For instance, if she had been in NY when this happened, she would have been covered by NY state’s breastfeeding protection laws, which are written into their civil rights code and have specific penalties for violations. “Pregnancy-related conditions” are covered under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act. No stretch of the imagination required to view lactation as a “pregnancy-related condition” and so it is, by logic if not by name, included in those provisions prohibiting discrimination.

2. warrenclark Says:
   September 11th, 2007 at 12:40 pm

   As a father of a severely hearing-impaired daughter who has never once requested special treatment at anything, relying on her own strengths and acquired talents, I know the difference between a disability not of one’s choosing (blindness, deafness, paralysis) and one which is elective, like getting pregnant and demanding special considerations. I think there is a huge difference. Let’s not forget that Ms. Currier has already been given extra consideration and it did her no good. And what’s wrong with recommending that she simply devote six months out of her life for the benefit of this child rather than subordinating everything for her career? It’s a choice, pretty much what life is like. And just who’s on the rant here?

I can't find the exact text of my reply to him, but I pointed out that 1.) I'm a Signer and have been in and out of the Deaf Community for years, being Hard of Hearing (Central Auditory Processing Dysfunction) myself so the fact he refers to his daughter as "severely hearing-impared" is telling to me. People can be blinded, deafened, and paralyzed due to their own stupidity - does that mean that they are therefore not worthy of accomodations because their behavior was "elective"? And that lifetime wage losses that I'm facing, staying home with my kids while they're small, are well over a million dollars - given that the woman in question already holds a PhD and just finished medical school, if she doesn't get her license and finish her residency she's going to have BIG financial hardships. Also pointed out she was 8.5mo pregnant when she took the test the last time (and she didn't fail by much), only having 45min of break time over the course of a 9hr test with nearly full-term fetus sitting on a rapidly shrinking bladder - BIG distraction that could easily have cost her a few points and maybe she wasn't aware that she was protected by the Pregnancy Discrimination Act at the time, in addition to the ADA (she has learning disabilities including dyslexia that garnered her extra test time, but not extra break time).

His reply to those points via email:

Warren Clark

to me

When you cut through all the BS and see that the real
complaint is about all the millions at risk, I see what
your priorities (and Ms. Currier's) are. I need say no
more. Hard of hearing indeed. No shame at all.

Your response is not worthy or publication.

WLC


And my emailed response to him:
well, I've got my own blog to publicize it on then. And "Hard of hearing indeed" so you're also an audiologist now? Wow are you talented, sir. There are not "millions at risk" here, there is gender equality and fairness at risk here. And I think the real problem you're having is a woman is making you look like an idiot.


a link to a new story about this issue is at
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view.bg?articleid=1030870

Someone else's fantastic blog post

Really, there's only one blog that I generally bother to check regularly that is maintained by a "stranger" (well, at least someone whom I've never met in person and with whom my first contact was via their blog). It's the blog of TheLactivist.com - http://thelactivist.blogspot.com. Her most recent post found here was really something I needed to read after the emotions of the last week (as blogged below and other things not mentioned, at least as of yet - don't worry, Piglet and the rest of the in-house family is fine, as are all of our good friends to the best of my knowledge, and I'm still pregnant tho SO ready not to be anymore at this point, I'm ready to be able to hand the baby to someone else for 5 minutes or so now!).

Weird little coincidences have been cropping up in my life lately and Jen the Lactivist's post is just the latest (well, I've only been awake for about an hour so far today anyway - yes, I'm having trouble sleeping, no I do NOT enjoy being conscious at 6:30am for no necessary reason when my hubby is home and can be delegated care of the toddler so I could sleep more but my body isn't giving me a choice in the matter... please don't let this mean I'm about to bear a morning person! AAAAAAACK! Is that horror music I hear?!?).

Liam's awake (sort of) and spread himself across my lap (using the loveseat's armrest to hold the keyboard)... trying to convince him to go wake up daddy but it's not working. Must go fidget.

I said it in my comment on Jen's blog but I'll say it again here (for myself and for you guys to repeat as needed): You don't need to be Wonder Woman to be a Wonderful Woman.

Live your day in wonder, at least for a few minutes, for me, OK?

Breastfeeding in public

Probably getting more obsessed with this concept since I'll be doing it again so soon (when Liam could handle finger foods I "weaned" him from nursing in public because it was simply too hard on my arms/back, so it's been probably almost 2 years since I've nursed in public regularly). I was sorting through pictures to upload to our online photo gallery and came across many pictures of Liam nursing (gee, considering the percentage of his time he spent doing it, big surprise there). None of them have us covered, and the ones in public places you pretty much have to KNOW what you're looking for to realize what you're seeing (which is part of the argument I have with "certain people who shall remain nameless" about how "no one ever does THAT in the US" - yes, they do, you just look right past them without realizing it...)

So I ask you, which is more discreet... this type of breastfeeding in public:

(both of the above images are swiped from commercial websites wanting to sell you these nursing covers, which I have problems with on two counts - one, it furthers the idea that breastfeeding is something that should be hidden and hence bottlefeeding is more "convenient" and two, it's just another way to commercialize motherhood and make money off of people's insecurities, so I'm being evil and not linking to them. After looking through a few hundred results of google images for "breastfeeding blanket", "breastfeeding cover", and "breastfeeding drape" I couldn't find a SINGLE NON-COMMERCIAL PICTURE of a mother covering herself with a blanket to nurse - surprise surprise).

Or are these more discrete:

(funny, i think I'm wearing the same outfit both times, the first one he's less than a month old because that was when we still lived in Virginia, the second one he's about 2 months old at the Feast of the Assumption)

Yes, I'm using a sling in both pictures, which adds to the ease of being discrete, but I've shown an equal amount of skin when not using a sling, just can't find those pictures (the one that wound up in the Plain Dealer of me nursing Liam at the CWRU bookstore would be an example).

I swear I'm going to take one of the five trillion receiving blankets we have around here and write on it in big red letters "HEY LOOK I'M BREASTFEEDING!" and keep that in the diaper bag in case anyone gives me crap this time, see if that makes them more "comfortable".. or at least it'd be fun for a photo-op ;) I've got a couple lactivist pictures that I want to take floating in my mind as it is. I'll post them here when I do them (one of them will probably be in the coming weeks while I'm still pregnant).

Kudos to Target for being supportive of breastfeeding

I wanted to make this a separate post from the "baby stuff" one before, this is something that makes me so happy I'm actually tearing up a bit at the minute after having called Target's help line (for lack of another appropriate looking number) to say thanks directly. For once, I've found some major marketing from a large company that actually supports breastfeeding, mirroring their "actions" with their words/press releases... in fact, considering that particular press release said that women are welcome to breastfeed "discreetly" in their stores, I'd say this is actually even more progress since that press release (this part of the post has been edited).

As I mentioned in my last post, I created a Target registry for the Piglet. I don't remember them doing this when I was pregnant with Liam (though there was a LOT going on then so I may just have forgot), but this time around they handed me this really well printed full-color THICK catalog of baby gear with reminders of the "important" stuff to include on the registry. I got something similar from Babies R Us too, pretty standard. I shoved it into the bag of the few household items I'd picked up and took it home, intending to just let Liam look at the pictures of babies and such.

Well, I actually sat down and looked at it, and color me impressed. The first checklist in the catalog focuses on nursery stuff (crib, mattress, bedding, etc etc etc), but right there fourth from the bottom the Ahmie happiness starts: nursing pillow. Hmm. Cool to call it that instead of just "baby support pillow" or something a little more neutral. Moving on, two page full-color artistic spread of Boppy pillows on page 31, they say "feeding" without distinguishing which kind (and yes, Boppy pillows are wonderful for bottlefeeders too! They're one of my favorite baby items). Still happy Ahmie. A few pages down on pg 34 is that little padded "keep the comforter off the newborn" Close & Secure Sleeper, which makes nervous parents more comfortable with co-sleeping (which also helps with early breastfeeding) mixed in with the crib mattresses and such. Ok, flipping on... first time I spot a bottle, page 39 (also has a pacifier) mixed in with a bunch of baby clothes. No big, they're pretty ubiquitous in our culture, and plenty of breastfeeders have bottles also "just in case" or for when Mom's away (we have a stockpile, barely touched since Liam hated bottles). Another bottle isn't pictured until page 65, when it's used to illustrate a possible use of one of the pockets of a "behind the carseat" organizer (also shows a stuffed toy and a few other items in there). In the meantime, I have seen several happy looking children (with more racial diversity than you're likely to see outside of one of the big cities on the coast - the four parent/child pairs on page 55's baby carrier page has a Caucasian mom/baby, an Asian mom/baby, a medium complexion mom/baby that I think are Latinas, and an African-American DAD/baby - double kudos for showing an actively involved daddy, tho I do wish they had a little more sling and carrier style diversity... Mama really wants an Ergo but they're not available on any of the places I've seen baby registries, and the sling shown doesn't look terribly comfortable for mom... none of them are as easy for breastfeeding as a plain old ring sling, that's for sure). Oh, and mixed in with those happy, racially diverse children, there have been at least 3 sippy cups I've spotted between bottles... in other words, in a BABY registry, I've seen more sippy cups than bottles by the time I'm about halfway through the catalog. It gets better. Another little bottle is mixed in at the bottom of "stuff that fell out of the diaper bag" spread on pg 66 (understandable reference there), an inexplicable pacifier amongst a very creative display of what looks like playing cards showing off the "matching sets" (to show how you can have your play yard, stroller, carseat, baby swing, and high chair all color/pattern coordinate)... then it's on to baby toys, more pictures of happy pre-solids age racially diverse babies and a total lack of bottles in the pictures!

Another bottle isn't shown until pg 88, and in pride of place above the bottles is a (manual) breastpump. Yes, there are containers of formula on the same page (four of them, in fact, including two single-feeding bottles of Nestle Good Start Supreme), but the breastpump is sitting ON TOP of them, one of the formula bottles is on it's side... psychologically it conveys the idea that pumped milk is superior! In the checklist for the section, breast pump and nursing accessories are listed. formula is not!

It's here in the feeding section that I get really impressed. For starters try to help with picking bottles for people who plan to switch-feed (breast and bottle feeders) with sticking the Avent Naturally bottle in there (Avent claims that their silicone nipple mimics the shape and feel of the breast, which I don't entirely believe - Liam actually seemed to dislike silicone nipples and Avent and Playtex nipple shapes aren't all that different... most breasts I've seen are more shaped like the old-fashioned Playtex nipples than these over-rounded-edge ones they're selling now, but I don't have any memorable experiences of trying to nurse off a breast to compare nursing off a bottle with, maybe we can get a better product review from Liam someday). Following the two page spread of bottles is a two page spread of formulas (2 per page), pg 94 i a cluster of Nestle Good Start's various packaging (including showing how a bottle nipple fits directly on the probably 4oz bottles in the first picture that had the breastpump on top) and there's a powdered formula dispenser advertised with the bottles on page 95. Page 96 is the Enfamil spread,pg 98 is the Similac spread (including the Organic one front and center), various cute bibs with a bottle laying on one on the opposite page, then a 2 page spread of pacifiers (and I know plenty of breastfeeding moms that use those... Liam wouldn't use them consistantly until he was teething but boy did I wish he'd take one sometimes!).. then we're at the breastpumps. A page of "natural feeding 101" on page 102 gives an overview the different styles of pumps (single vs. double, manual vs. electric), the facing page has Medela supplies (including in pride of place the favorite pump of many of my nursing friends, the Medela Lug...er... Pump in Style at the standard price of $250, and the new Medela Swing that actually has me intrigued, but not intrigued enough to spend $150 when I have other pumps that I know work for me already). Turn the page and you get a two-page spread of Avent pumps, the manual ISIS on the left and the motorized ISIS iQ Uno and iQ Duo on the right), along with breast pads, microwave sterilizer, Avent-brand bottles and another inexplicable pacifier *shrug*. Next page has the pump that I actually own - it's rebranded by Lansinoh, but that's the Ameda Purely Yours in a different color (I bought mine off the lactation consultant when Liam was born) along with more storage supplies, creams and nursing pads, with the Evenflo Comfort Select dual on the opposite page (I haven't looked at it in more than 2 years but I *think* the other pump I bought was the single-side version of that pump, once I figured out I was doing most of my pumping while nursing on the other side and having the motor attached was easier to deal with than juggling baby, touch-the-breast pump bits, and motor somewhere off to the side usually on the floor). Next page is the Playtex double electric pump, with the First Years models (a double electric and a manual) on the facing page, then we're on to the diapering section.

So did you catch it? It's hard to keep count, I know, but tabulating the above that means that branded formula appeared on six pages (seven pages if you count the formula dispensor - it has powder in the chamber but no brand indicated), including the first picture that had the pump on top of the formula). Breastpumps appeared (including the first picture with the formula and the drawn illustrations of the differences between pumps) on NINE PAGES! They actually gave more "screen time" to breastpumps than they did to formula manufacturers! OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS PROGRESS! Yes, there are lots of pictures of bottles with white liquid in them, but the only time that you KNOW it's formula in there are in the two pictures that have a label on them (forgot to mention that Enfamil had their single-serve bottles pictured too). For all we know (and especially since I'm a photographer myself), it could be diluted white glue in the bottles (that's what they usually use in the pictures on cereal boxes, in case you didn't know - real milk isn't high enough viscosity to hold the "pose").

The cherry on top? In 125+ pages, there's not a SINGLE IMAGE of a baby and a bottle on the same PAGE, much less of a baby drinking from a bottle.

We've come a long way, babies.

Next step, I'd love to see a picture of a mom actually USING one of the nursing pillows, in one of the gliders they sell, with baby's face snuggled to her chest, shirt tucked in for modesty is fine (heck, that's how *I* nurse at home to minimize the blood loss from little nails!). Which just made something else occur to me - even tho I've seen them for sale in the stores, those silly nursing cape things to "discreetly nurse" weren't advertised in the book! Oh, and they could start carrying non-pajama nursing tops... and advertise nursing bras in the catalog too... those would be nice additions ;)

Feel the same way? Here's the number I called to say thank you (it's the registry help line, couldn't find another more appropriate number and the lady said she's able to send the message along easily - they're so happy to get compliments instead of complaints, it makes a Customer Service Rep's day, I speak from experience here). The number is 800-888-9333, select baby registries (I think 2 in the prompt) then 0 for an operator. They'll ask you specifics about whose registry when you're first connected to a human, but you can probably just tell them that you're calling with a general compliment about their registry process or something (I did tell them my name and let them look up my registry since I have one currently). The more compliments they get, the more likely they are to keep up the good work and even take further steps!