Showing posts with label where the heck have I been. Show all posts
Showing posts with label where the heck have I been. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Forecast (original poem)

I'm pissed, so I'm obsessively writing poetry. Some people I'm not sure I'll ever be able to really, fully forgive for how much they've hurt me over the last six months have had me crying for the four or five hours off and on. I hate crying (for myself, not others), it gives me nasty headaches. Add to it that I feel entirely stabbed in the back by one individual in particular and I'm in a bit of a rage that means I'm probably back to the insomnia that I had last week that I had JUST gotten back into some measure of control in the last two days. And it appears it was for nothing, because the jerks are going to get their way. People in positions of authority took their word over mine even though they easily verifiable mislead those authority figures. I'm not going to stop fighting this injustice, but I will NOT be engaging in this process that has been used to abuse me so thoroughly for the last several months. I wrote the following poem in reaction, if I continue to be unable to sleep I'll try working on my novel (which these asshats have distracted me from nearly every available minute I've had to work on for the last six months. I had PLANNED to have the first draft around 80,000 words done by Halloween. Because of them I barely touched it after September and I haven't written a word in it from what I can remember of the last two months.). Fuck you, gaslighters. I'm taking myself back.


Forecast

I’m not as sexy as an earthquake
or tsunami
you got me
coming at you like a hurricane
it’s all the same
no fancy telethon
to bring it on
all the sympathy
empathy
what I need
is nothing like you’ve ever seen.
Watch your step
I’ll bring you down
so much bigger on the inside
I reside
bide
my time is ticking away
yesterday
came too soon
predictable as the moon
and yet still I’m stunned
by the stab to my back
debris flying everywhere
no one cares
catch the flack
zooming past
like my son
moving on
can be done
or so I’m told
as I linger on
suffering prolonged
wonder why
I
don’t
say
good
bye.


aadpy201202010047

Monday, August 23, 2010

should I "journal" for class here?

OK, I'm taking an Oppression and Social Justice class this fall (I'm in graduate school part-time at Case Western Reserve University's Mandel School of Applied Social Sciences working on a Master of Science in Social Administration, Community and Social Development focus - or "at CWRU's MSASS for an MSSA in the CSD track" for the alphabet soup fans - in case anyone who reads this has missed the "Ahmie went back to school" news last academic year). One of the main assignments for class is to keep a journal, writing at least one page per week. I suck at journaling on a regular basis as anyone following my blog knows well, but the length ain't an issue AT ALL... I plan to blog my journal entries instead of just writing them privately because I love having others on the journey with me (especially when I'm finding the journey annoying and obnoxious like I feel being TOLD to keep a weekly journal is, expect snarkiness). My question is, should I blog here (on my dragonmama.blogspot.com blog that cross-posts to FB), should I just post them as FB notes, or should I post them on a separate blog (I have a separate tumble-blog that I could use) so folks are only seeing the posts if they specifically want to see it? If no one gives feedback asking me to do otherwise, I'll probably post to Blogger with auto-cross-posting to FB since I find it easier to find my older posts (to later copy-and-paste them into the format the professor wants handed in). I'm also trying to decide if I *should* be doing this in a semi-public blog (you can find this one on Blogger by searching for my name or primary email address, but not my school email address). Other option is to do the blogging under my pen name (which I'm mildly protective of and only a few people know that's me - if you're a blog follower or FB friend and want to know then ask and I'll tell you privately). Already have a blog, website, FB account, etc under that one and can do similar linking/cross-posting, but might be a little more protection of the innocent so to speak.

Oh, and as for my writing, I finished the first draft of my novel last summer just before getting pregnant with Col. I haven't finished the first edit yet so I haven't let anyone else read it (tho there are a few trusted folks I'm thinking of just giving up on trying to edit it before showing it to - basically, people who I consider close family regardless of lack of DNA-sharing). I have two other very fleshed out stories in that same universe planned out, a few short stories planned in that universe (a few characters from the 1st one appearing in the others, but different main characters), and another storyline that is compatible with the universe of the first group but seems to want to be its own series that has been growing like a freaking wildflower in primo compost in my brain for the last month or so (that's the vampire one for those who know about it).

Baby Col is 3 months old as of yesterday, doing wonderful, very sweet-tempered baby even with some reflux issues (he doesn't spit up but I'm nearly positive it's partway up when he gets hiccups after nursing, as he REALLY gets unhappy when he has the hiccups). Big brothers are being wonderful to him but not always wonderful to each other (mostly fighting over time/space with the baby, ironically) and the biggest problem I'm having with sibling issues is keeping 6yr old from picking 3mo up off the floor when I set him down for a little tummy time. Baby spends most of his time in adult arms/babywearing just to keep from having him constantly poked by his brothers.

Friday, August 06, 2010

um.. yeah.. update re new baby

for those who didn't already hear thru other channels, i gave birth to a 3rd healthy boy, Lincoln "Col" Cheuk-Hou Yeung, at home on 5/22. He was 9lbs at birth and is within an ounce or two of 13lbs (depending on how recently he has eaten in relation to losing ounces out the other end) at 11 weeks old now. Newborn pictures here, more recent ones of just Col here, ones of me & all three kids in breastfeeding-friendly chainmail (no joke, it was made by our friend Ian), and pictures of the family at Cedar Point. Still haven't got around to writing the birth story but will probably post it here on Blogger when I finally do (which I *think* still cross-posts to FB, where I post/interact much more regularly for anyone reading this who hasn't already friended me on there).

Monday, June 29, 2009

IT'S A LIVE!!! ALIVE!!!

OK, yeah, I've done it again - gone on over a month without an update. It's been a hectic month, to say the least.

On May 5th I became co-chair of the Lakewood City Schools Phase III Construction Project District Configuration Sub-Committee. Yes, this was something I volunteered to do, it was (is - the last meeting of the subcommittee is tomorrow) annoying as hell at times, but I really do feel like it was the most important thing I've done outside of the creation and well-being of my little family. Lakewood City Schools is reducing from 7 elementary schools down to 6 due to lowered enrollment and Ohio not giving us as much funding (Ohio says we only need 6 elementary schools so they'll only contribute toward the cost of 6 elementary schools). 4 of the 7 existing schools have already been remodeled in the last couple years, so that left 3 to look at to figure out which one(s) to close (there was a proposal to close two of them and open a new school geographically between them where there is currently a city park smooshed between the train tracks and a strip mall - I don't think I need to tell the reader exactly how popular THAT idea was with everyone aside from the person proposing it ). If current decision making process that I was being strongly encouraged (almost to the point of arm bending, but not quite) to use is any indicator, the decision making process for the prior remodels/renovations was rather flawed - as evidenced by two of the schools already done having DRASTICALLY lower percentages of households with enrolled children in them than the other two (one has 4.1% of households in its boundary line having enrolled children, the other has 6.9%, the average for the district as a whole is 9.4% and all 5 of the other schools in the current configuration are at or above that average, with those two removed the average for the remaining 5 schools is 10.9%). There are certain powers within this city who would really like to see one of the schools in particular (the one in the highest-child-density district, ironically) closed, bulldozed, and redeveloped as commercial property. This seemed like a rather bad long-term plan to me, so I went in search of data months before becoming co-chair to check my gut reaction to that plan. What I found demonstrated that it wasn't just a bad idea, it also could potentially wreck our happy little you-better-walk-cuz-there-ain't-enough-parking already existing commercial district if it encouraged families to move to the perimeter of the town to be closer to the elementary schools, reducing foot traffic to the shops (and also discouraging them to keep their spending in Lakewood, since if they live in the perimeter in all but one of the other elementary school boundaries, they've got really easy access to Big Box stores just across the town's boarders - and most parents with little ones, if they're going to have to load up the car anyway, they're going to go where they can park ONCE and get the majority of what they need without having to go inside and outside repeatedly in likely inclement weather). So I went in search of hard data, got access to the census data and a lovely person at the county auditor's office who crunched data in highly sophisticated mapping software that I didn't have time to learn to use (tho apparently there's some decent stuff available open-source), I learned Google Earth to a fairly high level of proficency and counted LOTS of expanding dots (dots representing enrolled children, geocoded into Google Earth so if I went over them with a mouse they expanded so I could get an accurate head count). I also found out that Mandell School of Applied Social Sciences aka MSASS (at Case Western Reserve University, aka CWRU, my alma mater) turns out not just social workers of the knock-on-doors or therapy kind, but also of the policy wonk kind. We'll see tomorrow and in August/September what others make of the data I've gathered and crunched, but the MSASS saga continues in the next paragraph in a life of its own.

So, the dean of MSASS, Gover "Cleve" Gilmore, was my undergrad prof for both statistics (a challenging class since I wasn't aware that I have mild dyscalculia - you mean EVERYONE doesn't have to do every equation on the calculator 3 or 4 times to get the same result twice???) and research design (which I totally rocked, thankyouverymuch). He and I had been in occasional contact in the time in between and he very much still remembered me when I asked him if he could put me in touch with someone who could help with the census access stuff I was seeking for the above project. As I think I mentioned earlier in this blog, I'd applied to CWRU's Sociology graduate program (or did most of the application, at least - never took the stinking, time-wasting, back-throwing-out GRE) but was not hearing anything encouraging on the funding for part-time study so kinda let it drop (there's no way with my fatigue, physical disabilities, and family I could manage full-time study, a fellowship, AND not be a danger on the roads and/or zombie mommy, so the being safe on the roads and human with my family won). Cleve encouraged me to apply to MSASS, pointing me toward their Community and Social Development degree (policy wonk heaven I think, if only I could manage to do the dual degree with the law school at the same time *sigh* yeah, that's not gonna happen). Deadline for the Sociology program for fall admission was back in April so it never occured to me that MSASS's deadline would be so late - TOMORROW, JUNE 30TH! Sooo... I've got most of my application completed, just need to spend some time today updating my resume (which I haven't done since sometime around 2001, so, yeah, WAY out of date - nothing I've been doing in the interum has required a resume so I hadn't bothered to keep it up-to-date). I've also gotten 3 spiffy new recommendation forms filled out, and I'm planning to hand-deliver everything non-digital today. It'll be nice to finally meet Churyl, the lovely admissions lady I've been emailing back and forth and apparently sending into bouts of active laughter in the office with my weird sense of humor (which I see no need to hide from anyone, even someone responsible for helping decide if I get into grad school or not). I'm getting everything in on time for consideration for fall admission, though if the funding isn't there for me to go part-time (I *might* try full-time study if there's scholarship/work-from home fellowship promised, just can't deal with communting and family safely on top of ~40hrs outside the house). If funding looks more promising for starting in January (aka "spring" semester), then I'll do that instead.

In addition to all that, we've also celebrated Liam's 5th and Delano's 2nd birthdays and gone to Cedar Point twice and Kalahari Indoor Waterpark-Resort-and-Spa once (the 3 night stay at Kalahari was paid for by Garvin's work's sponsors or something, he was at a conference there while the kids and I were playing in the water). And I got myself a new laptop that I'd been drooling over for over a year (HP TouchSmart tx2) which I'm typing this up on (the keyboard is very nice, the tablet conversion with multi-touch will come in more handy while reading massive amounts of hopefully online journals for grad school, and it's small -but not too-and light and has decent battery life).

I will make another post with links to kids birthday party pictures soon. Haven't had time to organize and upload anything for ages.

OH, and if you're seeing this on Facebook and waiting for a response from me I haven't been ignoring you - I've not logged in to FB since around Easter, everything on my profile there has been posted via conduits (aka my cell phone, cross-posted by Twitter, or from this blog). I'm going to try to make some serious time to work on my novel in the next month (I want to complete it before the end of July) after getting this grad application finished, plus spend time with my family, plus sometimes post on my blog, Facebook priority comes in around this slot. I'll be back eventually.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Yes, I'm still alive

OK, so it's been ages and ages since I've updated this thing. My hands have been rather full with the kids and other offline stuff (as well as other online distractions) and I haven't felt motivated to blog. I got a BlackBerry Flip a week and a half ago, which prompted me to finally sign up for a unlimited messaging plan (I've had a cell phone since 1999 but I can count on one hand how many txt messages I sent before 10 days ago). Since I tend to be out of the house with D while Liam's in Pre-K in the mornings (which is also why I've been too exhausted to blog - being out with a mobile toddler is a lot of stress for my back so I've been pretty zonked out when I get home, then tending both kids prevents much blogging). I've been using Twitter heavily since getting the BlackBerry, I much prefer typing on it to typing on a standard phone keyboard (my brain thinks in QWERTY not ABC1 DEF2 from being a very fast touch typist for more than half my life). I've just installed the widget on this blog (to your right on the screen) so that my Twitter updates will appear here, and you can follow me directly on there (as well as see the various things I've tweeted in the last 10 days - all 80+ things I've tweeted in the last 10 days *blush*). http://twitter.com/dragonmama (same username, convenient, eh?).

I've got a draft of a post for here that has details of what I've been up to for the last year, including pictures, but I'm getting significant glances from D right now so don't dare try to work on that. Tried to just snap a picture of D's significant look but he reaches for the camera (aka my bberry in this case) instead of giving me the same look again. Not as easy to be stealthy with the cell as it is with the regular camera for some reason.