8 things about me

Ok, so Jennifer (the Lactivist) tagged me... serves me right for posting comments on her blog that rival the comments on this thing I guess ;)

I have no idea if I can actually come up with 8 things that every single person who regularly reads this blog doesn't already know... And given how long I've been online (14 years as of sometime in June), it's frightening how much information about me is already available online, especially for those who know my pre-marriage name(s) and the various online aliases I've used over the years.

I'll give it my best shot...

1. I aspire to learn carpentry and car repair. I'm ashamed of how little mechanical skills I actually have in the "real world usefulness" category. Somehow having mad skillz at crochet, photography, baking, and lactating just don't seem enough some days - probably because I fully expect Liam to break houses and cars and need to be able to fix them.

2. I can't deal with music on an extended basis, my skin starts to crawl if I have to hear music for more than a couple hours, even if it's music I like.

3. I feel an overwhelming sense of joy when I watch someone enjoying something I've created (see "mad skillz" of #1). It's an emotional/physiological high about equal to that of nursing Liam when he was tiny and new and didn't try to break my nose.

4. I want to go skydiving or at least hang-gliding. But not over water (not afraid of water, just really don't like the smell of large bodies of water).

5. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of longing for specific people I'm really not sure I ever want my children to be around. These specific people are not good for my own mental health either. I still miss them desperately sometimes. Hint: several of them are in my wedding album.

6. I am terribly addicted to television. As much as I can't stand music for extended periods of time, I have trouble sleeping without noise and light changes. This is a really bad habit but it's worsened with the frequent bathroom wakings followed by insomnia I'm currently experiencing in the pregnancy. It doesn't really matter what's on (as long as it's not music or violence), but I need SOMETHING to distract my ticking brain at 3am when I'm trying to settle for the 4th time that night. Audiobooks aren't working at this point but I'm trying to go back to them instead (they're a little TOO interesting).

7. I realized at a church service recently that I'm more afraid of losing my memories of my children than of losing them physically. I think I could cope better (not well, but better in some sense) with losing a child (terrifying, horrible thought that it is) than I could with realizing that I was losing my memories of them and facing not recognizing them at all, as I watched my great-grandmother go through. Someone said at least I wouldn't realize that I was forgetting, but from having been around people in early stages of dementia, I do think that the majority of them realize that they are losing it. The thought terrifies me more than anything. I'm trying hard not to cry.

8. Which brings up the other thing about Ahmie that doesn't come up much I guess... I HATE crying (not other's crying, my own). The feeling of prickling tears behind my eyelids infuriates me, partially because I know that I'll likely wind up with a sinus and ear infection if I don't reign it in, as well as the "beaten by a professional boxer" feeling I'm physically left with for days afterwards, and partially because of the mental weakness and vulnerability others perceive in it. The strength of my mind is the thing about myself that I most admire, and it's too easily dismissed when I start crying. I don't discourage crying in others, nor see them as weak when they cry (I do try to comfort anyone I perceive to be in emotional distress, tears or no). I also get really pissed off and lose respect for anyone who DOES treat me as mentally weak or vulnerable when I'm upset and it's one of the few things someone can do to *me* to get on my bad side (I'm more likely to get pissed off at people for things they do to others and shrug off things - at least eventually - that they've done to me). Tears limit my ability to be pro-active... I think that's what it boils down to.

So, how many of those did you folks who actually read this thing already know? Is ANY of it new information???

I tag Sabrina because she's been talking about others instead of herself, Clare because she's a great person even when Willow isn't around, and Garvin because - shesh - it's been nearly a YEAR since the guy's posted on his blog! COME ON!

Serena, I didn't tag you because I can't remember the link to your blog ;) I'll ask you for it next chance i remember, or post it in the comments and consider yourself tagged too!