Driven by the Past (original poem)

To a place I never drove before I feel driven
by the blood in my veins
Pulled by bones set in space
Ages ago in a place
All I wanted to do was leave
When there
The air was stiffling
Of all I longed to be
But my memory
Is foggy with
Years and maturity
I chauffeur myself with passenger-eyes
Back into a past I thought
Long suppressed
If not healed.
Before I only approached
Under duress
In distress
Of what might come.
Now I will myself forward
Into this past
So much less intimidating
With years and grown inches
On my side
The child I was peeks out
From where she hides
Quietly in my soul
It's all so much
less
than I remembered it.

2009.3.24.11.55

(this was written after stopping by to look at the house my dad bought after divorcing my mom when I was 2. The novel I'm writing takes place about 1/4th mile east of that area, from my distance estimating abilities. Suffice to say I didn't enjoy the time spent with him during his court-determined visitations and don't remember much of that time very fondly.)